Stress Management and Relational Wellness

Stress Management and Relational Wellness

Articles Blog


Maureen thank you so much and thank you
for everyone being here today on this Saturday morning and give me a chance to
share one of my passions with you I’m giving a talk today on relational
wellness and a lot of people kind of wonder what is relational wellness mean
so that time my talk is done today you’re gonna be an expert on relational
wellness and also how to actually actualize that in your life to help with
stress so I want to do an exercise first before we start the talk I’m going to
teach you about four or five stress management techniques today and this is
the first one I want everyone to get up and hug at least two people next to you
at least two and say hello and give them a good hug three four if you want to I know it’s hard with these chairs but I
appreciate what you guys are doing thank you it feels good doesn’t it feels good
okay now we’re gonna talk about this exercise and we’re gonna do it again
later on so you’re gonna learn more about this as we go through my talk
alright everyone can hear me okay perfect so my name is dr. Tucker Botti
as Maureen so kindly introduced I work in two programs here one is through our
executive health and wellness I’m along this and stress management physician and
I also work as a director of integrative and holistic services through our Center
for wellness and personal growth I’ll talk a little bit about these programs
at the end of my talk you know I thought I wanted to give you a little background
about myself and why I’m interested in wellness and relational wellness and
what that means you know I came to UCSD back in 1994 I came here as a research
fellow it’s a very biological fellowship was called the psychopharmacology and
psycho biology fellowship and it was very much into Western or allopathic
medicine I wasn’t very much into holistic medicine or integrative
medicine or complementary I didn’t know anything about it really at that time I
was like you know got to go with the traditional Western medical model I end
up getting ill myself couldn’t work couldn’t be in my fellowship I went to
go see my primary care physician and I said you know I’m having all these
problems these issues these symptoms they ran all these tests and they said
you know we can’t find anything but they said there’s good news is you’re not
dying it’s nothing serious so I think that’s good I like that I’ll take that
and I said well what can I do I still can’t function at work and in this back
in the early 90s and integrative medicine holistic medicine wasn’t that
available and really research at that time and he said I don’t know I said you
know maybe take a class find out you can do so I took it upon myself to take some
meditation classes some yoga classes different kind of mind-body stress
reduction classes and I took a Tai Chi class fell in love I thought this is the
greatest thing for me because I can’t just sit still and have my mind go quiet
my mind would just go and go so I need to have some kind of moving meditation
that gets my mind occupied and then slowly I can
you know calm down and have a chance to be quiet became a Taichi teacher loved
it so much end up getting a grant at UCSD were actually studied Tai Chi and
chronic low back pain in depression and mood so I got the reputation of being
kind of the unusual doctor back in the 1990’s and that kind of started to set
the trajectory of my course of what I wanted to do and eventually I started
from my own wellness but started to learn about relational wellness and
start to teach it now you pry still wondering what is relational wellness
what is relational and I love to compare what relational means versus mechanistic
because there are two very distinct ways of looking at reality you know
mechanistic been around for hundreds of years
it kind of fueled our scientific revolution and it’s still something we
use today it’s like looking at things mechanically being able to take them
apart and put them back together right a very powerful paradigm in our reality
and I want you to know as I compare these two I’m not knocking one of the
other there’s both very powerful paradigms right so the mechanistic yeah
like good question I’ll find out for you before we finish the talk yeah so the
mechanistic is something that we still use and it’s something that’s kind of
been something we’re always going to use but the relational has been around for
about a hundred years maybe even longer but really what start to get researched
and I would say as I’m been doing my own kind of research in this where I started
with Einstein when it’s theory of relativity you look at things that are
related to one another and now it’s being studied in all sorts
of fields in science and health and education and I’m going to just
introduce you kind of the the health aspect of it but you know there’s a
great book if you’re interested in I have to give this great author credit
her name is Charlene Spratt nack and she wrote this book called relational
reality it really talks about this new way of looking at reality and how it’s
being researched in these many different areas if you read her book you’re gonna
find a lot of the information I’m giving my talk today is in her book so I have
to give her credit I have to acknowledge her for the great work she’s done and
allowed me to give a name to the work I’ve been doing for the last 20 years
being relational wellness so let’s move it to wellness now you know kind of
mechanistic theory of kind of a paradigm is a little bit of the relational let’s
talk about in terms of wellness so you know it states that were separate
entities you know that we function mechanically what kind of these you know
separate bio organisms you know and this isn’t
thing it’s really allowed Western medicine to create great surgeries and
great techniques and great medication so it’s a paradigm that we still use and I
do too and we all use it but just to kind of know that it’s been fueling a
lot of the things we do in terms of our health and healing you know and
historically estroux Lee created Western medicine Western or allopathic medicine
of the same two terms you’ll hear me using those ok let’s look at relational
wellness a little bit different yet states were composed of these networks
of creative and dynamic interrelationships and that’s internally
right when you’re looking at yourself physiologically we’re not gonna spend
much time on that today we’re really focusing more in the external at the
same time we exist in these same networks outside of us right in terms of
the relationships we have and kind of the the the friendships and the contact
we have outside of ourselves that’s what we’re gonna focus on today as I’m going
through my talk you know again it’s these complex relationships that have
implications for our health healing and wellness now this is more in tune with
kind of this alternative or complementary medicine it’s still also
with allopathic medicine you’ll see I listed up here it’s a field called
psycho terminology how the mind connects to the nervous system connects to the
immune system so we have this interrelated as inside of us you know
let me give you an example from my own life comparing mechanistic wellness and
relational wellness so I tore my meniscus in my knee my right knee that’s
a little pad you have between the two bones of your knee that keeps everything
you know good shock absorber and when you tear it it’s painful gets swollen
you can’t move around that much so I went to go see my primary care physician
you know allopathic doctor sports medicine guy you know and he looked at
my knee you know I can’t reach what I have a mic in my hand but he you know
went down focused on the knee said that’s where the money is at you know in
Western mechanistic view we’re gonna go right to the knee he looked at it he
moved it around he shook it very painful he took some you know x-rays did some
things on it and said okay torn meniscus here’s what we can do we can remove it
and we should do that about ten years ago and when we did that we found people
got arthritis pretty quickly and you know advanced arthritis for very young
age for some people so we don’t do that anymore so we can take out a piece of it
feel like an athlete and you really want to use it or we can just watch it and
see what happens if you have a lot of pain
then we can’t do much I said okay well let’s just see what happens now I go see
an acupuncturist that’s part of my preventive care and I went to my
acupuncture said the same thing I said okay I’m having this torn meniscus I
need pain swollen what do you recommend so she took her finger and she pressed
right here I’m pressing on the top of my left shoulder and I’d literally almost
jumped off the table I go man that is painful and she goes that’s related to
your name I go wow that’s really interesting so how do you treat the knee
she goes I put a needle here and she did that went a couple times once a week
twice a week when it once a month putting the needle up here and my pain
got better my swelling got better I wasn’t gonna PT I was doing anything
else and that’s very relational like how can a point up here in my shoulder be
related to my knee all right there’s a theory behind that we could talk about
it and I’m not here to give an acupuncture talk but I went back to see
my sports medicine my PCP primary care physician and he said wow really
interesting got better he was open to it you know he said that’s great whatever
you can do that helps you that doesn’t make it worse so that’s the way of
looking at mechanistic sware the money’s at you go right to the source and
relational is more how is it connected in different ways okay all right oh you
know I always say I’m very visual so the hens I’m talking I’m telling you this so
I’d love to have some visual slides cuz that helps me so this is a visual slide
of mechanistic wellness one guy paragliding it’s a metaphor right look
at the parachute make sure it’s working everything’s mechanical make sure
everything’s okay and then we look at relational wellness right different
right interconnected relationships outside of us creating this kind of very
complex thing with these guys who skydiver so just my little way for the
visual people in the audience okay I wanted to make this little practical now
as I’m giving you this story you know I want to look at you know we can look at
the whole body we can look at the immune system we can look at the heart health
your different organs and systems but I thought let’s just focus on the immune
response and your heart health or heart disease and kind of compare this
mechanistic versus relational and talk a little about some of the studies that
have shown the relational components of these so look at the immune response
first mechanistic model been around for hundreds of years
again I’m not demonizing the mechanistic model please don’t hear that if you hear
me doing this because it’s created our medications and our treatments and our
surgeries I mean if you have a heart surgeon working on your heart
you want them to look at the heart mechanistically it’s a pump to valve we
got to take something out put it back in you want them to do that it’s very
powerful way of looking at in our health but if for the immune system we have
this germ theory you have a bug but goes in your system we find a cure or a
medication that takes care of the bug one-to-one correlation makes sense but
you know interestingly enough the immune Doc’s and the doctor saying you know why
is it that some people have this bug inside of them and they don’t get sick
and there’s some people have the bug who gets sick all the time there really
wasn’t an explanation for that now if you look at the relational aspect of the
immune system there’s one possible explanation and that is is that it
depends on the number the quality the type of relationships you have in your
life that actually affects your immune system in your moon response and that’s
relational it’s outside of you it’s not something that’s right where the money
is out where we’re going on and I want to show you study on this it was in 1997
a study at Carnegie Mellon by dr. Cohen you took about 300 healthy volunteers at
age 18 to 55 and they sprayed the cold virus right into their nose I hope they
got a lot of money for being in that study right because I would not
volunteer for that study and with everything else controlled for you know
stress diet smoking not smoking you know these different kind of things they
found that after exposure to the virus people who had six or more social ties
mean deeply connected you know whether it’s your husband or wife or you know
friends or family deeply and collect a relationship see six or more they were
four times less likely to come down with a cold compared to people that had one
two three or the lowest amount of social ties so the relationships outside of you
have an impact on your health and wellness your immune system
relational wellness starting to make sense now trying to build a story here
so it starts to make sense let’s look at heart heart health or heart disease
mechanistic we’re gonna look at these two heart an immune system I could go on
and we could have like an hour-long or you know day-long workshop on this but
just these two again mechanistic the heart is a
separate organ pump valve system if you have a cardiothoracic surgeon working on
you and they have to replace a valve you want them to be looking we don’t say
like what’s your relationship like to your husband they went to focusing right
on the heart right you want that surgeon focus so still an important kind of way
of looking at these things but the belief is that your heart is affected by
personal choices diet exercise genetics risk factors
right if you smoke it’s not really influenced by outside or external
factors now this was the case about 20 years ago 15 years ago 10 years ago but
now most doctors are realizing these are actual other factors are related the
relational part so again there’s some doctors that may not be as open but most
are you know they’re catching on because there’s data and research behind this so
the relational model your heart is deeply connected to the mind-body and
it’s affected by external factors the quality of your relationships your
ability to share and confine the amount of physical contact you have in your
life now do you get why got you to get up and hug right now you’re seeing the
the Wellness part of that it’s deeply in a related to your environment all right
and what’s going on around you so I’ll show you a study the 2003 study done at
UNC by dr. Gwen when she took 91 couples and divided them into two groups
a warm partner contact group and a control group and what was the warm
partner contact the couples would sit and hold hands for 10 minutes and I
think they actually were watching a video like a nice romantic video as well
and then they do a 20 second hug 20 second hug when was the last time you
hug somebody for 20 seconds right and I’m gonna tell you later on when we get
to the hugging part of my talk why it’s important to hug people for 20 seconds
there’s a physiological reason around your relational wellness we’ll get to
that okay and then the stressful event was administered to both groups the
control group was just sitting in the room with their significant other their
spouse just sitting waiting they weren’t holding hands and weren’t doing anything
else so what did they find that after the stressful event in the
warm partner contact that’s what’s called the WPC group there was a
significant reduction in your heart rate increasing right cuz you get a stressful
response what normally happens your heart rate goes up your blood pressure
goes up both the top and the bottom number so they were looking that in that
warm part their contact group heart rate stayed low didn’t go up the blood
pressure stayed low didn’t go up in fact that top number and your blood pressure
it’s called systolic 24 points lower that’s a big difference
and that’s your response to stress this cardio vascular reactivity are right up
here that’s actually an indicator if you’re gonna get heart disease later in
life because you heart rate goes up blood pressure goes up really stressful
for your heart and circulatory system so having contact Orton now it’s
interesting a lot of people when they hear these slides and they hear me give
this talk they would say okay look doc I’m not in a relationship right now you
know I just moved to a new city all my friends or I don’t have any contact I
don’t so is this bad for me is this like something I shouldn’t do and I always
love showing this next line there are times nature says do not touch
alright verse three are pretty good that fourth ones kind of sketchy but I’d say
still don’t touch if you see that but you know it is a great question
and this is what I want to tell you from the research that I’ve done and that is
that you know you actually have to be at peace with the choices you’ve made so
what do I mean by that let’s say you did you’re not a relationship or just ended
or something it happened you don’t have a singie of another you just moved you
don’t have friends around you and you’re like you know is that bad for my health
and I’d say that’s not at all if you’re comfortable with the choices you have in
your life right now you’re like I’m good with that I’m okay
no problem you’re doing good it won’t affect your health in that way but if
you find you’re in that state and you’re going man I am lonely oh I’m missing
this social contact I really want this kind of connection then it might affect
your system so look at the studies again at an immune system and heart health
we’re looking at those two so with these intense feelings of loneliness that
people can have your immune system gets suppressed in
both men and women it’s equal in terms of your heart disease the intense
feelings of loneliness for men no correlation to any change in heart
health but for women a significant correlation was found for coronary
artery disease with these intense feelings of loneliness and they also is
another study looking at middle-aged women these demonstrated risk factors in
their study lack of emotional support social isolation lack of interpersonal
social relations right and this led to an acceleration if you already had heart
disease that led to an acceleration of that process so it’s very important to
get comfortable with where you’re at now you may say you know you’ve heard those
studies well this is terrible I’m not married you know I’m not really ship and
I’ve heard these studies if you’re married it’s protective for the heart
all these kind of things that’s true for men absolutely true for women because I
want to go both sides if you’re not in relationship and if you’re in
relationship on a show there’s positive and negatives to both if you’re if
you’re married and you self silenced and what does that mean that means you’re in
marriage and you’re not really being true it’s plus weekend fights with your
spouse you’re kind of keeping quiet saying you guys want to keep the peace
I’m not gonna state my opinion or get angry or get upset youself silence or
times greater chance of dying from anything compared to women who don’t who
speak their mind to speak their truth who state I’m upset I’m angry I want to
work this out and you do what you need to so again the take-home messages are
here is not that you need to have a lot of friends and you need to have it be in
relationship the take-home messages are you at peace with the choices you’ve
made either way the message okay all right so is there a physiological cause
for these relational or social findings that affect our health and wellness
again kind of mechanistic again right and why can we find something in the
body that explains all these studies I’m showing you I mean we go back and forth
between the two kind of theories and I have to go back and tell you a little
stress response since I’m talking to a group of women today I think this is
important for you guys to know you know the term fight-or-flight was
coined by Walter canon in 1932 and this is a huge hormonal cascade that happened
to the body right I’m sure you know about it get your body ready to fight or
run away and all these hormones are released in the brain they release
hormones in your body nor epinephrine or adrenaline epinephrine cortisol you’ve
heard these words great great you know process that’s been researched for the
last 100 years since the 1900s did you know this up until 1995 this
research was primarily done with males females only constituted 17% of the
people in these studies that’s being nice and most of the studies I read it’s
probably less than 5% if zero and when you ask researchers why did they do this
they said well you know women inconsistent results they have these
hormonal cycles really hard to control men are much easier so we’re not gonna
use them right right yeah ok but there’s a good part of the story it’s gonna
change so when enough women were elected to Congress in the 1990s they said this
is not okay they made a mandate to the National Institute of Health that said
there has to be a policy change we’re gonna provide funding that women’s
physiology has to be studied in depth and in detail and that includes the
female stress response is the same or is it different
exactly it is different so after doing these studies for about five years six
years seven years on women Taylor and other people I use him because he’s one
of the people who said you know there’s a huge difference in the female stress
response and maybe you know this mean maybe I’m telling you something you know
a lot of Doc’s don’t know this by the way and he termed this unique stress
response tend and befriend what does that mean
why’d he call it that I’ll give you the history of why I said that you know he
said that this may be an evolutionary adaptation do you know that we tend to
our young we should tend to ourselves as well that’s my part of it but we tend to
ourselves and our young in times of stress and we befriend other females
because has increased the likelihood of survival right so a group is going to
get more chance of surviving than individual if women if a woman is
pregnant she’s nursing she needs that support and then also when there isn’t
any stress it’s about being able to connect and help each other with
resources and food right so it’s kind of his theory but there was a biological
findings as well wasn’t just as this kind of anthropological aspect of tendon
befriend you know what we found was he found or other people found there is a
physiological gender-based difference in your stress response that’s why I’m
really excited to do this talk today at women’s health because you need to know
this there’s a chemical again getting a little bit mechanistic but there is a
chemical called oxytocin and it’s in the press a lot a lot of people are studying
and researching it’s kind of a Gucci chemical or neurotransmitter right now
but it’s released by both sexes and I can’t use both my hands to have a mic in
my hand so I won’t be able to do this but in men there’s a lower release of
oxytocin in women there’s a higher release in men testosterone actually
further suppresses that oxytocin in women the estrogen actually boosts it
even higher look at this more in detail so men released testosterone inhibits
oxytocin and promotes as chemical called vasopressin both chemicals in the brain
that gets release during stress there’s a Preston’s kind of a male counterpart
to oxytocin and they think that’s what’s actually involved in the fight-or-flight
response when you inhibit oxytocin can make you aggressive I’m sure you know a
lot of males that are somewhat aggressive sometimes right easily
happens and the role of testosterone they’re still looking at it but they
have found again linked to aggression look at women the role of oxytocin
estrogen tends to enhance it it decreases cortisol that’s the hormone
responsible for fight and flight one of the main ones it buffers that whole
response Taylor and others through the study said you know what this is the
biochemical catalyst for tend and befriend because in doing studies what
did they find once a woman connects with others
especially other women even more oxytocin is released further counteracts
a stress response brings about further healing right so we’re trying to see
there’s definitely a difference that’s going on so it’s kind of a revised
response for the human stress response fight or flight fight and by the way
this isn’t black and white right I hope so I love these I got to say this I get
these questions always women your apps are gonna feel fight or flight that’s in
your system we all feel it men and women both men and women are gonna feel tend
and befriend but we didn’t know that but if I had to say we’re more often can you
go women can easily more go to tend and
befriend physiologically men will easily more go to fight or flight but we all
can have these both systems working at the same time or in tandem so we don’t
fight or flight easy tendon befriend tending to yourself that’s when they
teach you today the practical part of our talk is tending to yourself which
I’m gonna do in a couple minutes tending to your young and befriending others
around you very good for your wellness and just de-stress management by the way
I’m very visual I said so I’m gonna take a second you look at the top picture for
me I don’t care which person or animal you were late to but when you see that
picture it kind of tensions you up right there’s some purr a predator going on
now look at the picture at the bottom he’ll a change in your physiology or
your emotional state when you look at those two pictures right studies are
showing even looking at pictures can affect this kind of chemical release
that’s not one of the exercise by the way justice right now okay let’s look at
the neuropeptide oxytocin just to explore this further so they did a lot
more studies looking at these kind of social bonding things I was telling you
before that warm partner contact and they found out it has a huge effect a
positive effect on your heart and circulatory system when the oxytocin is
released lowers blood pressure it actually is the chemical involved in
that warm partner contact study they did those studies again this time they had
IVs in them they were drawing blood samples looking at the oxytocin how they
rose and you know when someone and they had people hug each other people you
like you love you a deep relationship with and they were monitoring the
oxytocin remember I said that 20-second hug I said before really it takes 20
seconds to really get that oxytocin flowing and move into that spot response
so if you can this is one of your take-home assignments if you can go home
today or later on and hug your loved one and say let’s just hold on to each other
and count mentally to yourself 220 it’s hard right you’re like my god it’s
taking forever but just do it and then just relax into
it see if you notice a difference be your own experiment have your own body
but your own experiment of one okay and again oxytocin terms immune systems
we’re looking at the heart system in the immune system this found that the
oxytocin is involved in the immune system inflammatory response in animals
absolutely but in humans the studies are still pending but they’re kind of
suggestive of that role so here’s the cool part of the talk now before I run
out of time right I want to give the practical part how can you increase your
oxytocin naturally and I know this is mechanistic in you going oh he’s so
mechanistic like that’s gonna make me feel better you know the theory is that
it does and here you don’t have to be in relationship and have thousands of
friends to benefit from this can be both ways you could be on your own be
comfortable remember honoring that this is a state I’m in I like being a hermit
and Hermits good and you don’t fight it or I like having a lot of friends being
a really ship and I’m good with that and you speak your truth you don’t keep
quiet in relationship and say it’ll just be okay it’s not good to dishonor the
state that you’ve chosen so how do we increase it naturally socialize spend
time with friends supportive friends loving friends not superficial friends
doesn’t work listening to soothing music studies have shown this so anybody can
do that touch massage right anybody can get a
massage now you know there’s some physiological wellness stress management
benefit you’re getting from it with documented researched petting a dog and
here’s the cool thing not only does your oxytocin goes up but the dog’s oxytocin
goes up too no they study this I’m not joking I am not joking now I don’t want
to offend the cat lovers or the other animal lovers or rabid lovers I’m sure
it happens with that they’ve just studied the dog in humans they haven’t
done any other studies with other animals right so had a dog had other
animals but that’s where the dog loves to be pet – right giving them a good
stress boost a wellness boost okay and then hugging close contact right hugging
is a powerful technique for stress management and wellness especially in
women and I guarantee it’ll benefit the men too they won’t get the same
physiological oxytocin boost but they’ll like it right so and then their future
is a study that you’re looking at meditation mindfulness
they’re also looking at positive thoughts some of the exercise we’re
gonna work with next so I want to know that research is being done hasn’t been
done yet okay so this was a part of the talk I was actually to say we were gonna
do we might do it again she’s been sitting for like 30 minutes I’m right of
you but before we do it so this was a I don’t know if you guys saw this he was
on The Oprah Show he was a big YouTube hit this guy had showed up in an airport
a camera where maybe Australia and all these people had their signs up for
their friends and family are getting hugs and he’s staying it by himself
going I feel so I don’t feel good with this statement if you’re not feeling
good with that emotional state you’re choosing they did anybody to meet him
they could change so you make a sign said free hugs you went out on the
street just held it up and eventually people started giving me hugs
I started this huge movement and we are gonna run out of time so I can have you
do it eat well what the heck okay so now that you know this whole thing I’ve just
shared with you about hugging and oxytocin a relational all this one more
time I want everyone to get up I want just dude I love hugs it’s not a bad
thing I just hug a person just one you don’t go to two or three or four just
something I did you don’t have to hold it for twenty seconds but just to get
that hug again okay we’re not done yet we’re not done yet so don’t don’t leave
on me we got a couple more minutes I love it isn’t that nice
does that feel good okay right oh thank you
okay well we’re not done we’re not done I still got a couple but thank you I
received that thank you we got a couple more minutes so I’m gonna teach you a
couple more things I can’t like just leave just with the hugs you’re gonna
feel like you got gypped out I didn’t give you a good enough good enough tools
but thank you but you know I mean I really appreciate you doing that I
really honor the fact you guys all went out and got hugs but I want you to do
that in your daily life it really does have a validated research scientific
benefit but you don’t to know that to do a hug but now you do okay so let’s talk
this is my kind of talk where I want to do little bit more practice and
experience all things with you in the last 15 minutes that we have so how does
one define and cultivate relational wellness this is my definition
connection compassion gratitude and growth and as we go through each one of
these four sections I’m going to talk just a bit about it and then I’m going
to teach you an exercise on each one of these four areas and we’re gonna build
on that exercise so you can just do the first one and we’re gonna build the
second we tie the two together the third on the fourth you can pick them you can
do however you want tailor to your needs by the time you leave today and you can
do all four of these exercises without special clothes you don’t go to a class
you don’t get ready you could do it laying in bed you can do it sitting
watching TV you could do it here when you’re going to be with me you can be
talking to someone eyes open and doing it I want to give you something very
easy simple and practical cool all right so the first one connection relational
wellness is cultivating moments of peace and quiet in your day so you can connect
to yourself and maybe many of you already doing this which I honor and
then from that place of connecting to yourself remember because relational
wellness I believe is about first tending to your cell then you create
time to connect with your family and friends
that’s the per friending part and then remembering to connect with your passion
in life you know if you’re really honoring who you are and the choices
you’ve made should be in alignment with your passion the reason why you’re here
and if you aren’t I say just get quiet I try to see if you can reconnect to that
now we’re so technologically connected these days especially the generation of
me I talk about my kids right who are teenagers always texting and on this and
they’re not really connecting they’re not getting hugs they’re not contacting
not even talking anymore I know our generation and our
we aren’t doing that as much but we can get caught up in it so it’s taking time
each day to connect and there’s a really simple exercise your breath it’s always
there so we can do this together if you’re if you’re open you can keep your
eyes open if you want I closed them but you can you know close him if you want
it makes a little easier just close your eyes just naturally breathe no deep
breathing as you’re doing that I’m going to teach you this mind-body technique
connecting your mind with your body how did you just start to mentally say to
yourself I’m breathing in I’m breathing in as you breathe in and I’m breathing
out breathing out and breathe out short breath I’m breathing in I’m breathing
out I’m saying it out loud but you’re saying mentally to yourself following
your breath the breath is a powerful way to connect back and if your minds like
mine what just goes and goes I’m trying to see if I can convince your mind to
play along with us breathing in breathing out breathing in breathing out
just try to stay focused on your brawn our trach calms down the nervous system
calms down and just act you can do this while your eyes are open talking to
someone if you feel like you’re getting kind of worked up or agitated or nervous
or just focus on your breath good job okay have you open your eyes we’re gonna
build on this technique that’s the first part the second part compassion ooh I
love this one all right relational wellness is taking care of
yourself first your health mind body and spirit so then you can
care for other people your friends and family it’s learn to be kind to yourself
as well as others I love this slide by the way the picture and I’ll tell you
why first I have to share with you a story obviously everyone knows whom what
mother Teresa is but a lot of people don’t know the story when she was sister
Teresa before xiexie became Mother Teresa you know she was still going out
to the slums in Calcutta she actually was going above and beyond the call of
duty they’d give her like a little sack lunch with an apple maybe half a
sandwich a little bit of water and should go out and she’d see these people
who were dying on the streets in India and she said you know I can’t eat this
food I can’t drink this water if these people
had nothing and she would literally give away a piece of her sandwich summer
water her apple without taking any for herself and she did that for a good
period of time until she passed out actually be taken into the hospital and
almost died and her doctor came up to her and sat down at the bedside and said
you know I get what you want to do eally understand the mission you have in
life for what you want to accomplish but if you don’t take care of yourself first
we’re gonna happen really got it she really got that and in fact later on
when she was Mother Teresa she would sit down with all of her nuns and say we’re
gonna teach you how to drink water take care yourself
eat your food even when you see people struggling and suffering outside of you
so the take-home message from my talk today is you have to tend and take care
of yourself first so how can I teach you a technique in the short amount of time
we have about taking care of yourself and your health I’m gonna stretch a bit
because we’re gonna go into that integrative holistic kind of stuff that
I do it’s a tai chi or Qigong exercise I’m
gonna tell you about it but you don’t have to remember and if it’s out of your
view or your frame of reference don’t worry about the stuff I’m gonna talk
about now just you can still do it okay there’s a powerful part of your body
that holds your body’s chi chi is kind of your natural healing energy in China
if you do yoga it’s called prana if you live in Europe
it’s called your life force if you live in the u.s. there’s no word for it but
think about this even if you don’t buy into this you know when you cut your
hand you get a cut whose healing that the band-aid antiseptic when you break a
bone whose healing that the orthopedic doctor the cast know they’re just
setting it so it doesn’t come out like this right the bone just naturally heals
there’s a great doctor I wasn’t I bring this up but I have to one of my mentors
dr. Robert Becker in the 1960s he was studying regeneration and healing in the
body and he was looking at newts cut off its arm grows back cut off half its
brain grows back cuts off three-fourths of his heart grows back
you know that’s up its leg and takes that tissue puts it in the shoulder leg
grows out of the shoulder and who’s saying we have that ability to heal but
we’ve lost it because we’re further along the evolutionary scale but bone
healing and he was an orthopedic doc bone healing is evidence of that he was
working with that yeah I started to research acupuncture back in the 1960s
and all this funding was taken away and he was actually moved out of Western
medicine a lot of stories like that but neither here nor there so the fact is I
do believe we have this healing energy inside of us and you see it every day
when your body’s trying to heal working into injected with a doctor and
medications and Western meds but we don’t do anything to take care of our
own she teaches something today so in your
body kind of behind your belly button there’s an organ not physical called
your don t n it’s the reservoir storage of your Chi and in your hands I love
this slide by the way it’s a great slide in your hands in my teachings of being a
Tai Chi teacher and she going in the palms of your hands you have your heart
energy and it’s not your physical heart it’s your metaphorical heart your love
your kindness your compassion you know when you hold a baby when you put your
hands on someone you love isn’t there for that holding hands and a warm
partner contact hugging you’re not saying that but I believe they’re
exchanging that energy but do we give it to ourselves usually not so everyone
take the right hand raise it up for me right over your belly button right there
and take your left hand up and put it right over your right hand right so you
have your right hand over your belly button and left hands right on top of
the right that’s the exercise that’s it look strange look Tai Chi look Qigong II
know it looks very normal standing in line I can’t do it cuz I’ve
a mic now but you could stand on line when you’re waiting both hands in the
belly laying in bed you can’t sleep at both hands in the belly and you’d have
to go see don tian chi stuff don’t worry just do it be your own experiment of one
a lot of people have gi stomach problems right here will bowel they have like a
little indigestion belly it’s a powerful area you know when women
are pregnant it was hold their hands in their belly the umbilical cord connects
this area even in Western medicine it has a lot of power just hold it here if
you don’t like somebody and someone’s really
we kind of closed off and we kind of covered this area up it’s a very
sensitive area but now you’re taking your own heart energy your own healing
chi and you’re back into yourself what a blessing right you can do that for
yourself you don’t need there of yourself first okay so what’s the
exercise this is my teacher by the way he’s in the Bay Area placing it right
here of your belly left on top now we’re gonna add it to the first exercise right
we’re building on the exercises closing our eyes if you feel comfortable you can
we mopin hands at the belly start focusing on your breath hands with the
belly that’s what’s healing you feeding you and I’m breathing in breathing out
breathing in I’m breathing in following the breath hands at the belly and
everything out again you could do this eyes open if you’re talking to someone
just need to hold on to yourself think of it out–we hands the belly holding
onto myself and just breathing love it you guys are doing a great job okay you
can open your eyes for me now next one gratitude now who can’t look at that
picture my Bryce I’m a visual person who can’t look at that picture and feel
something happen inside of you right if someone can look at that picture and not
feel something inside of you you come and see me I’m gonna give you my contact
information in my time right look at this knot yeah you feel that I think
that’s oxytocin I think there’s something going on in your body it’s
being released when you see that picture but gratitude oh my goodness do you know
there’s a Center at Stanford the Center for compassion and gratitude they’re
researching compassion gratitude a UC San Diego here we have the neuroscience
department looking at the biological neurological correlates of compassion
and hopefully go to gratitude to huge physiological change in our body for
stress reduction but you have to remember to be grateful we have so many
negative thoughts that go through our head on a daily basis judgmental or I’m
this or I’m bad or I’m not good I don’t like myself right or I’m upset or I got
cut off but do we focus on the positive in our life I hope you do but many of us
don’t I know I didn’t before I started on my journey I mean I love Oprah
Winfrey right because she talked about having a gratitude journal made it
really public so everyone know but you can constantly have gratitude in
your life so being grateful for and thank for the people in your life who
give you meaning and purpose but grateful for yourself now if I had a
small enough group we actually go around the room and I make people say like the
hug one thing they’re grateful for since I can’t do that just right now as I’m
talking to you I want you to think about what you’re grateful for in your life
right now what are you grateful for living in San Diego your health your
loved ones your family what two or three because we’re gonna add this to the
exercise right so here’s the part of the exercise hands at the belly if you took
them off you got one back of the belly right hand on your belly left hand on
top close your eyes you leave them open and now you have two choices you can
follow your breath breathing in breathing out and then think of
something grateful oh I’m so grateful for back to your breath I’m breathing in
I’m breathing out oh I’m so grateful for I’m so thankful for you know what and
keep doing this while I’m talking it’s not just the words eeling and you
remember the last time somebody did something for you or you did something
for them that a vote of feeling of gratitude that touched you deeply that’s
what I really want you to try to remember and connect with feeling of
gratitude and to the belly eyes are closed or open and I’m breathing out and
I’m deeply grateful for feel that gratitude or thankfulness huge
physiological changes going on inside of you if you do this exercise with me you
do it anytime free are on a bus in your house if you get upset you’re frustrated
just take a moment stop close your eyes sit down
hands at the belly breathing in and breathing out and I’m so grateful for it
will change your emotional tone I guarantee it love it you guys doing a
great job have you open your eyes here’s one other
thing you can keep a gratitude journal I tell a lot of almost all my clients do
this I do it myself because there days you’re not gonna feel well there days
you’re gonna be challenged and it’s nice to know you can go to a book we actually
wrote down I’m so grateful for and remind you and it moves you back to that
feeling of that state especially had a great experience and you can write a
whole page about it so if you can keep a gratitude journal I highly recommend
that here’s another take-home exercise
remember the first ones you gotta go hug for 20 seconds the other one is I want
you today or this weekend to go up to five people you have not
ever gone up to before and thank them and look them in the eye when you say it
try to feel it your mail person the grocery person the cashier person at
Starbucks I don’t even go to Starbucks oh no I’m using that example so much of
my talk today I don’t I don’t drink coffee or tea but okay it’s coming up
for me whoever that may be someone you or a family member you haven’t said it
to in a long time or your significant other or your kids gratitude goes the
whole way right huge tool okay and the last one growth yeah right scary right
going to lace it was scary for us that’s a shark by the way someone that was a
dolphin when I put that up there relational while this is learning to
understand and embrace the part of you with which you struggle and the
willingness encouraged to evaluate yourself and make changes or seek help
when needed they’re all parts of us that were challenged with so when you were
doing this exercise probably like thoughts were popping your
head like oh this or that or I got to go do this and we’re being challenged by
things could be really big and then you need to seek help but let’s say their
little thoughts that kind of bug us what can we do the great technique called
being mindful and that’s in this instance for my exercise its whatever
thoughts are feeling sensations you have a pain or a coming into your mind while
we’re doing this you name it back to your breath alright so let’s say
you having a pain and going I can’t breathe in breathe out my leg is killing
me okay that’s pain that’s pain I’m breathing in I’m breathing like oh I
feel that pain I’m breathing in so you can have got a ping-pong match or I’m
distracted I can’t do this my thoughts okay there’s thinking breathing in and
breathing out there’s thinking so gonna kind of play this ping-pong match
last one I’m gonna give you so everyone in one last time hands at the belly
gotta remember to do that chef’s just keep them there for this part of the
talk close your eyes leave them open start
focusing on your breath you can go to the gratitude if you want if you find
your thoughts are getting distracted I’m thinking this I’m feeling this honor it
name it then go back to your breath you can state your breath a little bit
longer breathing in odd is challenging me go back to my breath on to the
thought back to your breath love it good job guys you can open your eyes
okay wow how it define living a life based on relational wellness knowing
that you’ve lived fully lovingly and without remorse and I have to tell you
with working my clients last 20 years ultimately it’s about love compassion
gratitude connection love that you have in your life and allowing yourself to
experience that okay so a quick review focus on your breath
into your belly anytime gratitude thoughts keeping a journal and if you
like the mindfulness it’s a great program called mindfulness based stress
reduction it’s an eight-week program it’s been researched and validated for
pain and depression anxiety here at UCSD we have a center for mindfulness dr.
Steve Hickman runs it great 8-week classes there’s a website please check
it out write it down we also the Center for Integrative Medicine through the
department Family Practice they’re gonna be here at lunchtime giving a cooking
class on healthy eating website great program I’m giving you the referrals
it’s the referrals I’m just about hit my time limit and the programs I work in
the Center for wellness and personal growth I’ll go back to the slide if he
needs to the other one executive health and wellness the program I work in and
con’s your medicine I do the same thing but you can check these programs out if
you’re interested but more importantly there’s my email and there’s my number
and I’m not just giving it out lightly please email me if you have a question
please call me if you have a comment you want to tell me something referring me
something you want to get in touch with me we’re gonna run out of time today I
can’t actually have you ask questions but I’ll be available at the first break
so I’ll be outside and if you want to come up and talk to me or ask me
something be more than happy to answer any questions
but these are some programs I highly recommend that we have here UC San Diego
and also our mindfulness in our integrative program if you go the
mindful eating they’re part of the mindfulness program as I said the
integrative center integrative medicine program will be here as well thank you
so much you

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