The Stupid and Boring Store – Me and My Grandma (Ep. 3) | MyLifeAsEva

The Stupid and Boring Store – Me and My Grandma (Ep. 3) | MyLifeAsEva

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– [Narrator] Previously
on Me and My Grandma. – GiGi over here. – It’s Grandma, No. – I’m trying to get myself
out there on social media too. You got any tips? – You just have to be yourself. – That’s all ya got? – Janey, right? Gimme your info and
I’ll put it in my phone. – Step back you sparkly prune! – Oh yeah. Fight. (yelling) – Janey, I wanted to
introduce you to my agent. – Nudity, fighting,
racial ambiguity. You’re everything
the people want. – Grandma this is real,
this is happening, this is the life! – I hate to say it,
but Hollywood Boulevard was kind of a letdown. – Well, I did like watching that drunk guy pee on
Bill Cosby’s star. – Yeah, that was good. – Can you stop
walking like that? – I told you, I can’t
wrinkle this outfit. I woke up two hours
early just to iron it. – Just to hand out resumes? – Yes, dress for
the job you want! – And you want to be a sexually
repressed receptionist? – Grandma, I really
wish you would start taking this
more seriously. We need a job, any job, to pay for those acting
classes my agent recommended. The same ones Kellan Lutz took. – I’m just here for
the sightseeing. – [Janey] Ooh look, pet store! – Oh yay. – Oh, they’re so cute. There should be
more kitties though. – I miss Mischa Barton. – She was such a great cat. Too bad your mom left the
door open and she got out. – I still think she’s
out there somewhere. – You really think Mischa
Barton is still alive? It’s been over six years Janey. – Yeah but, I have to believe that Mischa will
come back someday. Hey, maybe we should we see
if this place is hiring. – You want to work
in a pet store? Why not something more L.A.? Maybe Will Smith will pay
us to parent his kids. – Those kids are free spirits. You can stay here, but
I’m gonna go inside. If I’m not acting then working with puppies
and kittens sounds great. (jazzy music) – Cupcakes, brownies,
chocolate bars! Only 50 calories a treat! – Ever wonder what to do
during the endless gap between breakfast and lunch? Then you need candy! – 50 calories? No. Excuse me, you’re intentionally taking advantage
of these people. – So what? Big Sugar’s been profiting
off these losers for decades. Why not us? We need new uniforms. – You calorie con artists
should be ashamed of yourselves. – I think the old lady’s mad because we ran out
of lemon squares. – Is that why you’re
so mad old lady? – Please. Any Grandma worth
her salt knows that pre-packaged lemon
squares are garbage. – Oh snap, you made Rhonda mad. And she plays the drums. – Janey, Janey run! Run! (playful music)
(Grandma yells off mic) (Janey and Grandma yell) – Okay, so, I’m still
waiting to hear back from the pet store
and the library. – Why, was the stupid and
boring store not hiring? – And I’ve reached out to
everyone I know in the industry. So, just Oliver. But that’s another for my
waiting to hear column! – Janey I told you,
I’m gonna get us something better, faster. Ah, here you go. How ’bout this? This guy Craig’s
got lots of jobs. – Grandma, you can’t trust
most of those postings. – What do you mean? What about this one? VIP cocktail waitress. – Stripper. – Oh well, here,
personal secretary. – Prostitute. – Fine. Wait, here we go: Looking for blonde,
six feet tall, used underwear,
okay I got this one. Did you give her a key? – No, did you give her a key? – No. No, no!
– Don’t! – Oh I keep telling Janey
to clean out that cabinet. – Oh, Heidi what’s going on? – I’m out of weed, you know, for my, uh, headaches
or insomnia or whatever, and I’m pretty sure I
left some here somewhere. – Can’t you just go buy
some at a dispensary? What? I know about things. Indiba. Sativo. I watch Bill Maher. – Heidi, are you saying you’re stashing drugs
in our apartment? – Apparently not. Do you guys wanna go to get
weed with me in Venice tomorrow? Grandma, you can get dreadlocks. – Why do you have
to go all the way to Venice Beach to get weed? I’m pretty sure there
are three dispensaries on our street alone. – Three? – Yeah, well my ex-girlfriend is the city comptroller. – We’re gonna need more. – It was an ugly breakup. She’s a powerful woman. The only place I
can get weed now is this one
dispensary in Venice. – Oh. – Dispensary. Treats. Weed. Venice. Grandma. – Oh no. Grandma’s got her idea face on. – Hmmm. Hi guys! It’s Grandma Goes Hollywood
and today’s lesson is how to make fast money so you can afford those
expensive acting classes. The same ones as
Kellan Putz took! – [Janey] Grandma, it’s Lutz. And stop screaming! – Fine. We’re having a bake sale. Because nobody loves baked
goods like people who are baked. Shout out to the Grant
High School marching band for their inspiration. You evil geniuses. And without further ado. (phone rings) – Hello? Yes, that’s me. Yes, I’m definitely
interested in the job, yes. Grandma that was the library. I’m up for the job! – Libraries are for old people. You don’t need a job. You work for me now. – Grandma, you’re scaring me. – I was up all night
baking, I’m scaring me too. But trust me, Janey, we’re
gonna make enough money so you can go to those classes and I don’t have
to tell my friends that my granddaughter
works at a library. – Woah, grandma food. – Three for $10, four for $15. Buy five for $25 and
I’ll even throw in one of my limited edition
Christmas cookies. – Oh yeah. (laughs) – There’s a man who
knows what he wants, eh? Enjoy. – Grandma, you just
hustled that guy. – Watch and learn,
Janey, watch and learn. Hey there, would you like to buy one of our organic,
locally-sourced
small batch treats? – Are those French cacao nibs? – They sure are. Take the plate for $20. – Thank you. Namaste. – You were right,
this is a good idea. – Thanks for cheating on
your ex-girlfriend Heidi. – Anytime. Raise your chin, little boy. Alright kid, here you go. – That’s not what I look like. – Yeah it is. That’s what your
soul looks like. Seven bucks. (phone rings) – It’s the pet store. Hello? Actually, thanks so
much for your offer, but I feed cupcakes
to stoners now. It’s very Two Broke Girls. Thank you. Heck yeah, Grandma. Make that paper! ♪ I’m sitting heavy
on them things ♪ ‘Cause I’m
dripping and dropping ♪ Ice on my tray ’cause
I’m dripping and dropping ♪ I can make it rain ’cause
I’m dripping and dropping ♪ Hose on my team ’cause
I’m dripping and dropping ♪ We spend my money on a rag ♪ Picture me with no
cheese from the track ♪ You act like twizzled,
don’t know how to murk a track (Grandma laughs) – Janey, we’re running
low on product. Go to the car and grab
that last cupcake cooler. (phone rings)
Now. – You got it, jefe. Oh my God it’s Oliver! I mean, Oliver. (laughs) Hey, what’s up? – That’s $5. – What? You gotta pay for them? My nana just gives
me treats for free. – Look Joe College, I don’t
want to have a whole discussion about your entitled generation. But yeah, you
gotta pay for them. – I don’t have any cash. Oh man, but I live for funfetti. Hey, what if I trade
you one of my edibles for one of your edibles. – Nobody’s offered me
grass since the seventies. What do you got? – A butterscotch. – Oh well I can’t
say no to that. – Okay, be careful
with this stuff. It’s crazy potent. Just one lick and
you’ll feel it, so when you take it,
just lick it once. Maybe twice. Maybe three times. Maybe four. – Got it. – Then spit it back into the
wrapper and see how you feel. Just do not take it all at once. You got that? Repeat after me– – No, hit the road. This is titillating. (dreamy music) – Grandma, you’re not gonna
believe what just happened! Oliver called and he
wants me to come in and audition for a
film he’s directing. Me! Can I go? Is that okay? (dreamy music) Grandma can you man the bake
sale alone for a few hours? Grandma? Grandma, you got this. – Oh, uh yeah, cupcake. I got this. Go, go! Break a leg! (laughs) Break a leg. What was I doing again? – Um, I needed change for a 10? – Can I have a sip of that? Can I keep this? – Sure. – Hey guys. It’s me Grandma. So, weed’s gotten stronger. Yeah, let’s give it a thumbs up. Bye bye. (upbeat electronic music) – A Midwestern girl
and her best friend lose their cat and it
changes their lives forever. This is my part! – Actually, I hope it’s mine. – No, when I lost my
cat I had the whole town searching through
dumpsters and garbage cans to find Mischa Barton! – Why do you keep talking to us? (phone rings) – Uh-oh, it’s Janey face. Be cool. – Grandma, Oliver wants me to
audition for the smaller role but I think I might be
perfect for the lead. – Oh you look so cute
all little in my phone. – Yes, Grandma, technology
is amazing, but what do I do? – About? – The role! Is it too pushy if I ask
Oliver for the bigger role? – Rolls! Remember when we went
to the Macaroni Factory and they wouldn’t
give us any rolls? – You were very mad. – And then I threw that tantrum, and they showered us with rolls. And now I’m the queen
of the Macaroni Factory. – You’re so right. I have to be the queen of
my own Macaroni Factory. – Teeth are weird, right? – What? Nevermind, I have to go! Thank you so much Grandma. I love you, okay bye. – [Redhead] And that’s my soul? – Yes, it’s gleaming. – You are very amusing. I own a small gallery
where I show local artists. I’d love to see
more of your work. Send me your e-portolio. – E-portfolio. – Ignore that. It’s just some grandma I know. Cool, I’ll send you my work. What’s up with you? – Can I have a sip of that? Can I keep this? – Sure. – Would you watch my table? I gotta go do a thing. – So Oliver, I had no
idea you direct and write, that’s so cool. You’re like Nancy Meyers. – Well, my main
influences are more Kelly Reichardt and David Lynch. – Right. – This is actually
my first film. It’s a true story
about my mother. It took forever to get funding. – These pages are great. – Thanks. So Girl With Blue
Hat might seem small, but all of the subtext is
centered around that hat. It pushes Alyssa and Heather
to reveal their true selves. And it’s not even really
about the hat, you know? It’s about genocide. – Sure. – Okay! So take your time with it. And whenever you’re
ready, give it a shot. – Macaroni Factory. – What? – Oliver, this happened to me. My mom let my cat out and
I haven’t seen it since. A part of me still
resents her for it. I could play Alyssa. This role, I totally get it. – If it speaks to
you, go for it. (upbeat electronic music) – The beach is here
but the water is there. It’s like I wandered the desert for 40 days and 40 nights
like, what’s his name, you know the religious guy? You know, everybody loves him? – Tom Cruise. – Yeah. – I can’t believe you ate
the entire butterscotch. Here. – I’m good. – For your face. Hey here’s a thought: maybe keep it on the
DL that you’re stoned. – Why? Do they know? Oh God, they know. – Everyone knows. Look, if you wanna
be legally stoned just get a weed card
at a dispensary. If only there was one nearby. – Is there? Oh yeah. I hear you know my
friend Mary, Mary Jane. I have glaucoma. In my eyes. – Slay. – ID? – Right. I left it in the ocean. I left it in the ocean! (crashing) (groans) No. No. No. My eyes have glaucoma! My eyes have glaucoma! I swear I didn’t mean
to take the whole thing. I’m sorry, I was just
trying to pay for my granddaughter’s acting class. – You’re a grandmother? – You flatter me. These could be a little tighter. – I was taking it easy on you. – Enchantee. I am so messed up. – I can see that, come on. Watch your head. – Heidi, call Janey! – Just a sec, all
three of your followers are gonna love this. (phone chimes) – Sorry, I’m up for
this library job. They want me to play
the role of librarian. I’ll stop talking. Janey. – I didn’t get the part? – No! You got it. – I did? Seriously? – Seriously. But don’t get excited,
it doesn’t pay much. – I’m getting paid, too? – [Oliver] Yeah, okay. – Oh, uh, what’s this? – Victoria, I was just
congratulating your new co-star. – Hi. – You’re really pretty. You’re really, really pretty. She’s really pretty. – Um, Ollie, can I
speak to you for a sec? – Yeah. – Co-star I thought she was
auditioning for like Hat Girl or, like, Ugly Lady
in Ugly Sweater? – Trust me, she’s
perfect for the role. Janey’s lived this part. She is Alyssa. Now get on board. – You know, if you’re
willing to age her up, my grandma would be perfect
for Girl With Blue Hat. She loves hats. And hates genocide. (phone chimes) – Old lady. Slice of cake. Pig. Police car. Lightning cloud. Scales of Justice? I have no idea what this means. – Oh, do they have
emojis where you’re from? Your grandma’s been arrested. – I’m sorry, what? What’s going on? What happened? Do I need a lawyer? Do you know a lawyer? – I thought you’d
handle this well. Before you get all worked up, it was just a misunderstanding. – But my Grandma was arrested! – NBD. I always get arrested. I set fire to a Foot Locker, I set fire to a Charlotte Russe, I set myself on fire
at a Wetzel’s Pretzels I don’t like malls. – I never should have left. Call your comptroller
ex-girlfriend. Maybe she can comptroll this? – Calm down, your Grandma
just bumped into a bike cop. She’ll be out in a minute. It’s the Venice lock-up,
it’s like a day spa in there. – Okay, so, is it wrong if I get excited about this big role I just got? – It makes you a
terrible person. – Okay, fine. Where’s the checkout counter? – This isn’t a Macaroni Factory. They don’t give you a buzzer to tell you when
your Grandma’s ready. – Huh. This weird white lady from
the beach is gonna pay me to use her gallery
space for a show. – Amazing! And I just got a
role in a movie. This is like, the best day ever. Hi, I’m here to
bail out my Grandma. – Can I keep this? – Sure. Your granddaughter’s
here to bail you out. – Oh no this is,
that’s not good. Oh my god, I’m gonna
be in big trouble. Janey runs a tight ship. Years ago I let her cat
out and she got so mad that I blamed it on
my daughter-in-law, but I’m the one who
killed Mischa Barton. – I’m going to assume
you’re still on drugs and pretend I didn’t hear that. – You should see her. It’s really intense. Her eyes bug out. She keeps saying therefore. But I deserve it. I’m a terrible grandmother. – I’m sure you’re not. – I am, I keep
messing everything up. – I doubt that. – No, it’s true. I stole a part in a
commercial from her, I got us kicked out
of a red carpet event, and now today, well, you know. – Yeah, I doubt it
a little less now. But look, the fact
that you care so much says to me that
you’re doing okay. But maybe just stop
taking mysterious candy from strange stoners. – (laughs) Yeah. What’s your name again? – Desmond. – My name is– – I know your name. I arrested you. I also know your address, I also know your date of birth– – And you will take
that to your grave. – Come on, let’s go. – So you’re not mad? – Of course I’m mad! – Uh oh. – You’re in prison,
therefore, I’m super mad. – Here we go. – What are you thinking? You should know better. You are in so much trouble. Therefore, no more bake sales and no Pokemon Go for a week. – But I was just– – No just. Don’t do that again. What happened, are you okay? – I’m fine. It’s the Venice lock-up. They have a smoothie bar. It’s for the sheriffs,
but they let me use it. Janey, I’m so sorry. All I’ve done since we
got here is mess stuff up. – No, Grandma, you haven’t. You’ve just made things
more interesting. – Sure turned my day into a 10. – And, you missed some stuff
while you were in lock-up, I got the lead in
Oliver’s movie! – That’s so great. – And it was all because
of your advice on Skype. – We Skyped today? – And, I might have
gotten a part for you too. Girl With Blue Hat. – Doesn’t sound like
it’d have a lot of lines. – Grandmas with criminal
records don’t get lines. – Hey, how much is bail? – The fine for selling
unlicensed items on the boardwalk
without a permit, $500. – But she assaulted an officer. – No, she didn’t. – But she illegally
ingested weed. – What? – No. She might have had
a drink or two. So, like I said, bail is $500
and then she’s free to go. – Janey, I’m really sorry, but that’s just about all
the money we made today. We’re not gonna be
able that class. Hey, does the movie pay? – Not much, but we
can afford to rent Part One of Channing
Tatum’s Acting Masterclass. – You stay safe out there. – Thank you. – Grandma, that cop
was flirting with you! – Yeah, what was that? Was he caressing your hand? I didn’t like it. – Also, another thing happened
while you were in custody. The library called– – Don’t say it. – I got a job at the library! – Ugh. Can we go eat things? (cat meows)

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