We are trying a week-long pregnancy diet. KEITH: Can’t have caffeine. NED: Uhhhhh… ZACH: The f*** is thiamine? EUGENE: I am positive I can survive Coachella without any drinking NED: NO! KEITH: I’m sleepy. I am so sorry. You’re gonna try, but obviously you may cave. Pregnant women don’t get to just cave. Well we’re stronger than you are. *laughs* *intro music* When you’re pregnant, you can’t eat all the things everybody else can eat. Some of these lifestyle changes like diet, they really impact your life on a day-to-day basis. It is hard. It’s a lifestyle change. A lot of us drink, a lot of us like to have a nice lifestyle And now you’re 30-something, it’s your first time having a baby and it’s really hard to obstain. Not only a diet, but we’re gonna live as pregnant women for a week. It’s all about the lifestyle changes that pregnant women have to go thorugh to incubate a healthy baby. Okay, so let’s talk about your wife. NED: I would love nothing more. KEITH: Wow, here we go. I’ve heard Ariel talk about food and drink way more than I have about the actual birth itself. Everyone wants to tell you what you should be eating and what you shouldn’t be eating. KEITH: Like who? Oh, just people on the street. They’re like “Oh! You’re pregnant. You should be having a lot of mango.” And it’s like- ZACH: F*** off, lady! Restricting one’s vices… you know the four of us are gonna f***ing fail. I mean, I know who should do the best. Ned? I hope I do the best. I hope you do the best too but you don’t like it when people tell you not to do things. Yeah, that’s true, that’s true. I’m really excited for this week to have solidary with my wife. Really understand what she’s going through. I think this is just cup number one still. Bean have you been keeping track? Yeah, cup number one. There’s a certain level of caffeine that’s safe. We say 200 mg a day. I don’t think a lot of people know this about me, but I have two cups of coffee in bed in the morning. I could only have half a cup of coffee this morning. I poured a full cup cause I forgot. I make coffee, I bring it back and I sit in the bed and then I go back and get another cup of coffee and drink that. Cherish every sip And then I’m ready to shower. Becky’s got this giant cup. The biggest cup anyone has ever seen. I’m pregnant, okay. You gotta be nice to me. I’m just gonna be a dick. I uh… I get hangry but I also get caffeine upset. Have you had any coffee yet today? Maybe uhhhhhh, a little bit more? We’ll just say it’s cup number one. Yeah, I had like half a cup. He’s like I can’t have coffee? I want all the coffee. This is my second one so after this I’m at my limit. I’m great at dieting. I’m great at restricting things and commiting to things that are crazy and make me feel bad cause that’s just how my body works. One coldbrew has 200 mg. ZACH: You’re half over. EUGENE: This week sucks. OH! I’m seeing right here it says I can have 2-3 cups of black tea per day. Wow I don’t have to change a thing. Being pregnant is excellent. It’s really just my normal life. I quit coffee uh, two years ago, and my life is unchanged by pregnancy. Oh f*** that’s hot. F***. Took me an hour to get out of bed. It’s so hard to wake up. I really feel tremendously tired. *mumbling* I want coffee. Do it for our baby. I am doing it for the baby. This baby better be beautiful. There’s two absolute no-no’s. So the first is unpasteurized cheese. There’s an organism that can be found in unpasteurized cheese called listeria. It’s the mouthwash, right? No, that’s Listerine. Listeria can cause miscarriage and it can cause stillbirth. I feel kinda bad making that mouthwash joke. YVONNE: Yeah. KEITH: Yeah. ZACH: Day 1 we are ordering lunch. KEITH: It’s already too hard. I don’t think I can have crab cakes because crabs and shellfish. F***. Alright what about a turkey pesto- Sh** *laughs* So the reason you can’t eat deli meats is because they’re worried that they can come in contact with listeria if they make unpasteurized cheese in the same place. And that’s rule number one. You’ve got to heat your deli meats to 180 degrees. I’m just gonna assume that baking them at 350 for 20 minutes should get them there. The second absolute no-no is uncooked beef. There could be an organism in it called toxoplasmosis That’s the disease cats give you that make you wanna kiss cats! Do you guys know about this? That makes you wanna kiss them? Yes! I’ll show you an article. They think it’s the cat disease it comes and you get it from cat poop. YVONNE: Yes, exactly right. And they think if you get it, it gives you two things. It makes you wanna kiss cats and it makes you more prone for danger so you like, walk towards traffic. I have never heard that. And if you are a cat person, the woman should not change the cat box. ZACH: Damn. KEITH: Wow. So it’s no unpasteurized cheese, no raw beef, no eating cat poop. YVONNE: Right. Pretty tough. So I just got home from the grocery store. It was weird to not go to the deli man, you know I feel like I have a bond with the deli man. Welcome to the world of difficult eaters, my friend. Then I walked by hot dogs I didn’t really want hot dogs but the fact I couldn’t have them made me kind of want them. I was like “I wanna meat too.” You guys know that this is what happens to cucumbers? I’m eating a salad. And I’m videotaping myself eating a salad. And it’s not hugely disappointing. Sounds awful. It’s just like nom nom nom I’m not a rabbit. The things I’m telling you this is being very very strict, and I’m trying to explain to you why. I don’t cook anything, ever, at all. I don’t know how to do it. Normally I’d get these pre-packaged salads but apparently I can’t trust Mr. Joe because maybe he didn’t wash his hands. Don’t eat stuff that’s packaged ahead of time. Are you saying that Joe is a poisoner? He is a traitor. No, it’s just women who are pregnant are much more susceptible to food poisoning. I feel like if I can’t trust Trader Joe, who can I trust? Literally all my food is pre-packaged. I would not eat that. I have to make a salad by myself. …by myself… wash my own leaves… my own leaves. Sh**. What are other things you can’t do… sushi, can’t eat sushi. Can’t eat raw fish. Yeah that’s a big one. You know I’m not a huge drinker but I really love sushi. Here we go with sushi. I let people eat sushi. There are people that say no raw fish. Ariel’s gonna be so mad. Ariel throughout the pregnancy has not eaten sushi. Dr. Bohn said, “Yeah you can have sushi.” Mommy blog whatever said “No, sushi’s bad.” Here I am with the stupid, stupid, cooked california rolls, euhh! Sushi, it’s flash-frozen in the US to eliminate parasites. And there isn’t a specific parasite that’s related to a birth defect. That’s actually not that bad. So you can get sick from eating sushi but we can treat you with anti-biotics. It’s still technically sushi. You can eat shellfish, you can eat salmon. Wait you can eat shellfish? YVONNE: Yes. That shellfish is like the only thing that I knew you can’t eat. No you can eat shellfish. This is so much contrary information. Can pregnant eat pork? You can never feel like you know what you’re doing. Wait but is there a lot of misconceptions about what pregnant women can eat? The reason these myths come out is the fear of food poisoning and contamination with bacteria. Cause there’s the little tiny chance that you might. I came home and I told Becky and Becky’s like “Yeah, so it must be really hard and confusing to be a mother.” I’m like, “yeah f***.” I’m shocked I thought alcohol would be number one. No alcohol. You guys are not gonna be able to drink for a week. Everyone knows I love to drink. I drink practically at every meal. Can’t drink any of you. Champagne. Wine fridge. I wake up in the morning, have my eggs, have a little scotch. That’s what scotch eggs are right? The articles that say you can have like a little bit of wine are like Cosmo… Ned feels really strongly about the alcohol thing — NED: And the articles that say don’t have wine are like the American Pediatric Association. We don’t do studies on babies to see what happens if we drink half a glass of wine or we drink two glasses of wine because it’s unethical. Like what really does it do to a baby? KEITH: A lot. Fetal alcohol syndrome. It’s so bad there’s no appropriate joke. Now there are studies, they were done in the UK that show that small amounts of alcohol do not have any bad effect, but in that study it’s so they take a population of people and they ask you how much did you drink? And then they collect the data on what was the outcome. And so that’s what most of our data in pregnancy is is what’s called obervational data. So, the standard recommendation is not to drink while you’re pregnant. I have gone sober before. It’ll be like that, except for a pretend baby. We’re just, we can all say this together… no alcohol. There’s no partying happening for me anyway so I can just like pretend like I’m just going sober for a week. No we’re doing this after Coachella. It would- I’m gonna do pretty poorly on this guys. Kathleen I’m pregnant. No you’re not. Do you think I can make it this festival? I’m gonna sneak something in there. *laughs* You can’t do that to a pregnant woman. I feel like your baby will have fun too. Yeah that’s true. Basically early afternoon and I am drinking water. Mountains. Water. Ferris wheel everyone knows. Water. Water. Water. Water. Water. Water. Water. I hope the other guys are having fun because I’m not. I’m at brunch with my sister. No raw meat? Whaaaat? No! I can’t, I can’t, I can’t! What are you most excited to have again? Wine. Oh my God. She mentions it daily. Not daily! This is gonna be easy for Ned cause he’s already following these rules with you right? Right, exactly yeah. NED: No… I have been supportive however I haven’t actually done it with her. I just want all the wine. My husband told me when I got pregnant he would not drink in front of me. That lasted about five minutes. What can someone’s partner do? I think just, doing what she is doing. NED: Really? Yeah, or you know, honestly- Sounds like you f***ed up bro. There are, there are some- NED: I asked! I asked if you wanted- Yeah, f***ing eight months later! Becky, my loving wife who isn’t pregnant like her doting husband. Gettin’ liiiiiit. Is getting lit. Oh God, oh please, please don’t. Gin, gin juice, for my wife. Refreshing. So it is the last day of Coachella. We’re in like kimono outfits, ayy, and I am still drinking water. Uhh There might be something in the water. There is nothing in the water Kathleen. Okay so I’ve been on my pregnancy diet, I’m super pregnant. My baby is healthy. There’s something in the water. EUGENE: There’s nothing in the water. Okay so I have evil friends, but I am starting to lose faith that I can do this anymore because There is something in the water. We’ve been talking about the no-no’s but what are the yes-yes’s? So you definitely can exercise, we encourage exercise. 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week at least. At least? So I finished my first workout of the five I’m required to do this week as a pregnant woman. If you already have a good exercise routine like you do crossfit or you do spinning if you do yoga you can continue to do those things. I’m doing what Dr. Bohn most recommended, low impact things like a stationary bike. You know this part is a little easier for me because I normally workout about that much. But, I did realize that there are a lot of things pregnant women who’s far along can’t really do as well. This is too hard though with a belly. You can play soccer but you’re not allowed to fall down. I’m gonna play what’s called wall ball. I’m like, already bored. I think if Zach and Keith don’t finish their workouts they’re supposed to do this week, I think Ned and I are gonna force them to do something that they really, really hate. So I’m at Korndiddy’s house and he says he has something to show me. He’s made it a big secret. He’s making me film myself in the hallway And then entering his home so I’m going to enter… What is that? ZACH: It’s a pregnancy pillow. That looks like a prop that would have been on a whose line is it anyway. It also looks like a capital G. Or maybe I’m supposed to cuddle it. Maybe it’s supposed to like wrap up your butt. Like this? KEITH: How does that feel? This is nice. Something on your butt, something on your dick, something on your head. ZACH: Wow. Everywhere you want to be comforted. There it is. I woke up this morning with a really bad sinus headache And I was like oh that’s okay I’ll take some DayQuil And then I thought, “Oh no, DayQuil has ibuprofen,” so I just have a headache. And you can’t take ibuprofen. No, you can’t take ibuprofen. Uh, okay. It’s not even 9 o’clock and my body feels like sh**. I have an inflammatory disease, I checked with my doctor and he said that I could continue to take my main medication while I’m pregnant, however, the supplemental things I take to feel good day-to-day I wouldn’t be allowed to take. Basically what you would do is you would be on a drug that’s safer than the drug that you’re on while you’re pregnant. I-I don’t think I’m gonna be able to sleep. I have to image that some women find that because of their medical needs there are just limitations on them that prevent then from going through with it. Right, is that a thing? There are pretty few drugs that are that absolute no. Um, the psychotropic drugs I think are really tough for people. We have psychiatrists that are specific at knowing every study and knowing what is the safest medication for the woman to be on. You know I’ve been reliant on antidepressants in my life and you can’t just say like, “Hey just get off em.” Sometimes the medicine that you have is the only one that works. I can’t sleep. I think I slept for a little bit but my back… my back just hurts, umm I need, I need to take my pill. I think I have to break the diet. The bottom-line though in pregnancy is that the mother’s life trumps all. Mom comes first. Without mom we can’t have baby. I mean we just did it for a week. I can’t imagine what it’s like doing it for nine months. Final night of pregnancy and we’re gonna try and take all the learnings that we had this week and put it together and make a delicious meal. You know coming into this week I thought that it would be easy and just a list of no no’s, but a pregnancy diet is a lifestyle change. Not being able to eat certain foods was hard, but there’s still a lot of foods that can eat. Like, what am I gonna do with this. What I didn’t expect was the emotional pressure. You don’t think about how many aspects of your life being pregnant will be a part of. It’s every aspect. Don’t want any listeria. Our charcuterie meat. The hardest thing was staying sober. So this is long like Ariel and it’s red like placenta. It is so difficult not to want to partake in what everyone else is doing. I think the charcuterie might be done. Thank you. ZACH: Mission accomplished. I did, however, feel like it brought me closer to Ariel. I should have been doing this the whole time. Really messed that one up. But for one week… I mostly did it. To all the moms out there I’m gonna pour one out into my mouth. *Eugene f***s up* *laughter* You had one job Eugene. You totally missed. Where were you even aiming? Well now we know there’s something Eugene can’t do and that’s drink out of a glass. *outro music* You’re not really pregnant, but you are- Oh yeah, I’m not really pregnant? Then what’s this? Huh? What’s this Becky?